This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
