i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
