More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
