How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
