the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
