Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My balls are so social today.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
