Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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