my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
