Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
