i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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