before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
