You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
