My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize