I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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