I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
