operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
