I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
