I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
