Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
