I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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