So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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