Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
