I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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