paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
