It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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