I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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