How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
