this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
where are you?
Hypothermia
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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