I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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