omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
