the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
