How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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