even my farts smell like vagina
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
