I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Randomize
