Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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