he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
