yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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