I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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