girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
