So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
