Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
