I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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