Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
