dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
