Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
