How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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