shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
