Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
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I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
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At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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