I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
