I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
