Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
3pm strippers are depressing
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
