My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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