just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
