everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
