I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
