You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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