Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
How's work?
Spinning.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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