Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
