dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im holly from the hills drunk
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
