So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
