4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
