It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Naked. naked and bneed help.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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