He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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