just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
