Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Randomize
